Welcome to TIC hair products division, home of Wonder Shampoo.

If Wonder Shampoo turned your hair green, please press 1. If Wonder Shampoo turned your hair purple, please press 2. If Wonder Shampoo made you bald, please press 3.

If Wonder Shampoo turned your hair green and you wish to return it to its natural color, simply shampoo seven times with three parts soap, seven parts water, four parts kerosene, and two parts iguana bile.

If Wonder Shampoo turned your hair purple and you wish to return it to its natural color, please walk widdershins around your local cemetery three times while chanting "Surrender Dorothy."

If you went bald as a result of using Wonder Shampoo, please purchase and apply a three-month supply of our Magic Hair Growth Formula. Please do not consult an attorney as doing so would violate the license agreement printed on the inside fold of the Wonder Shampoo box in 3-point type. By opening the package, you agreed to the license terms.

Thank you for visiting TIC Corp. Goodbye.